She was in a park, on a path, running hard. Her breathing was labored, but she couldn’t slow down. She was in her nursing uniform, but little by little her clothes fell away until she was running only in her underwear. The music compelled her to keep going- she could hear it in the branches of the trees and even in the rhythm of her footsteps hitting the ground. Both the running and the music soothed her in a deep way, and as she approached a curve in the path she saw someone blocking the way. The light behind him blinded her and she couldn’t see his face. Was it Jonathan?
She almost reached him only to find he had disappeared into the light. She fell down exhausted and panting. The dream ended.
Janice awoke, breathing hard, feeling like she had been running, not just in her dream, but also in her bed. The bed looked like she had been tossing and turning. Was this God’s way of answering her prayer about the song? It felt like this dream had unlocked her understanding of the melody in a new way and she was soon to realize its impact for her future.
She was, for the first time in years, excited, almost as a child before Christmas. What would God reveal to her- and how would she receive it when he did? Would it scare her or astound her?
Janice had several errands to run so she let Noah know she’d be gone a couple hours. Gracie was still sleeping peacefully, this first day of winter break. Janice didn’t want to disturb sleeping beauty.
Driving through town, Janice passed the toy store. She hadn’t been in a toy store for a couple years because both her children had outgrown such gifts. Now the requests for Christmas were technology related- game systems and ipods, digital cameras and cell phones. Nonetheless Janice felt compelled to turn into the store parking lot. She knew she was looking for a gift for herself.
The Barbie aisle caught her eye immediately. She looked at row after row of dolls- such a grand selection. The holiday Barbie was lovely. On a whim she grabbed the doll and 3 outfits. She proceeded to the checkout to pay for the items. Little did the cashier know this was a gift for herself, not for her daughter.
Later that evening, before going to bed, Janice wrapped the doll in the prettiest paper she had. This would go under the tree on Christmas Eve. The kids would laugh at the gifts she bought for herself, but she didn’t care.
The black hole inside her didn’t seem so dark and overwhelming. God was doing a work deep within, and like the mysterious melody she sensed it but couldn’t describe it.
In her journal for December 22nd, Janice wrote:
Something is breaking loose inside of me, the ice is melting, and change is coming. I can feel it and it amazes me.
Thanks for the doll, Lord. The little girl I’ve kept imprisoned most of my life is finding her voice, and I’m finally listening.
Whatever you are doing, please don’t stop until the work is completed. Help me to be open to the changes you want to make in my life.