I find myself frequently coming here to the Allentown Public Library, especially when I want to attempt to reign in my multitude of thoughts and ideas for the purpose of writing them down. Today seemed a good day to do that. There is a pervasive quiet here, one that most people respect when they enter, and for me that silence carries over into my soul. I breathe more slowly and my jumbled thoughts appear more cohesive. There are no distractions here for me...... and I like that.
Yesterday was my son Josiah's 20th birthday. He and I went out for lunch and then saw the movie Thor. He shared with me about a scene he had written for a playwriting class at college that was about a family with six kids all getting together after a couple years to share things that had been happening in their lives. Some revelations were surprising.....and I laughed at the parallels he shared between his story and our real family story. Last night our family all met for Josiah's birthday dinner at the Olive Garden and as usual out conversations were varied and interesting. I especially loved how when I ordered an "Italian Margarita" they all were calling me a "lush". To which I replied "why not- I will be turning 50 in a couple days!"
All kidding aside- and there is plenty of that from all directions when we sit together and talk- it delights me to converse with these young people who have taught me so much. Terry and I have many conversations about what it has meant to raise a large family- how exhausting and overwhelmed we have been, and how many mistakes we have made along the way. I have wondered if my mistakes will mean their disdain- and will there ever be anything that comes up that could potentially break that bond between us that has surely been so much my source in life? I hope not.
In the past couple years I have been working on some ideas about a new writing project, one that takes so much of what I have learned as a mother and translates it to the beautiful way God has and continues to mother me in my life. Those of us who have been schooled in our faith through the church and its typical interpretation of God in the masculine form (father) may find this controversial- but I hope you will hear me out as I share more on this in the future.
A little update regarding my previous post about dancing...... I didn't go through with the dance party as I had hoped, but after an incredibly tough struggle with a very serious temptation that I have now overcome, I have my sights set to dance at my 50th birthday party on Memorial Day weekend. I have much to celebrate, and the physical dancing will represent a new ability I have found within myself to dance into life, embracing both my weaknesses and strengths, letting myself off the "hook" when I don't live up to my own or other's expectations, and believing enough in what God has placed inside me to fearlessly pursue those ideas that come.
IT MAY HAVE TAKEN ME 50 YEARS TO CLIMB THIS MOUNTAIN, BUT THE VIEW IS INCREDIBLE!!!!!!