Yesterday I realized the job I am supposed to do is my writing. About 6 months ago I began my first novel, and after getting through the first few pages I filed it on my computer and hadn't even looked at it until last week. For the past few weeks I have felt a gentle nudging to work on this project in a more committed way, but I wasn't sure I wanted to. I have new confidence in my abilities to write this year, after the very positive reception my advent book received last fall, but the idea of writing 80,000 words seemed too difficult for me. Thus began my wrestling with God.
I sat yesterday to fill out another job application and started to cry. Something wasn't right about this continual pursuit to find this job, and I knew it. I had a few errands to run so as I drove I began to see that I needed to submit to God and make writing this book my new job. I decided to talk to Terry about it, and he was in total agreement with my committing to this task.
So last night I got down on my knees and renewed my commitment to God and his purposes for my life, and asked the Holy Spirit to give me the ability to do this new job God was assigning me. It has been a long time saying such a prayer for me, because I knew in my heart making this choice would dramatically change the course of my life and bring mental challenges to me that I feel totally inadequate to meet. God reminded me that Moses had lots of doubts too at the burning bush, but that once he was willing God used him.
Toady at 9am I start my new job. It's nice to know my Boss's mercies are new every morning, and that He will help me to complete what He's started in me. As I take a glance at this mountain ahead of me my knees grow weak and I have no idea where to start- but I am willing, and that is enough today.